Do You Have An Energy Leak?

You're important. You have to treat yourself that way.

I’ve been seeing the same therapist since October. On Wednesday of this week, we had our last session together. Well, over the phone. We’ve been connecting this way since March, a much different vibe than the once in-person get-togethers we’d have at her midtown office, complete with the stereotypical couch lay. I had an inkling for some time now that I was ready to move on from this particular relationship. It’s not that I didn’t think the time, conversation, and insight was valuable. Making the decision to go to therapy was a big one; a life-changing one at that.

But when you know, you know.

We were on the same page going into the session, with the understanding that it would be our final one. Our chat started with the inevitable niceties that go hand-in-hand with talking to someone over the phone or Zoom during a pandemic (including “did you see the news about how bad it is in Florida now?” and “it feels like it’s been months and months of the same thing”). Then, she said “I’d like for us to round out our time together by you telling me what you’ve learned about yourself since we started seeing each other.”

I’ve thought about this prompt, as well. A couple of things stood out: 

1. It becomes pretty clear what things, people, and relationships you’re giving most of your energy to when someone offers you 45 minutes to talk about you week after week.

2. Radical vulnerability is f@!cking hard.

The second one’s a goodie, but a little heavy for today. So, let’s focus on no. 1.

Your mental well-being is important, period. As I mentioned in the season three announcement from earlier this week, if you don’t take the time to take care of yourself, it’s hard to show up for the people or causes you care about (or even at all). It’s the whole “you’ve gotta put your oxygen mask on first to help other people,” thing. That means that we owe it to ourselves to protect our energy, in every way possible.

Your energy is your magic. 

This also means that if you’re giving an abundant amount of your energy to any one thing, it better be something that fills you up in one way or another. Let’s look at training for a marathon, for example. It's an event with a large opportunity cost. It requires early mornings, skipping out on happy hours with friends, and a potential for black toenails. Also: A risk of continuous chafe, sore muscles for days, and becoming one of those people that only talks about running in social situations without noticing it (guilty). 

The marathon, in turn, requires a lot of your energy. So, you then ask yourself: Is this thing I want to do, does it make me feel better? Do I feel like I’m getting a return on my investment? If the answer is no, then that’s a red flag. Then, I’d encourage you to ask yourself why you decided to go after this particular big goal in the first place.

Now, a more personal example: In therapy a while back, I would regularly talk about someone I was casually dating. After months of mentioning this person from time to time, one day, my therapist asked me: “Does this person make you feel good?”

I remember thinking: WHAT? Why are you asking me this? We’ve talked about this person before! You know he has made me feel good! He’s been so nice to me!

… but then I took a step back, and realized that me wanting to get all sorts of defensive was problematic. The answer to her question was actually — lately, no. I’d been holding on to the “good” from before, hoping that it would come back. I was being stubborn. I was offering someone so much of myself; investing a ton of my time in something with little energy return. I was draining myself. In the words of Nike Master Trainer Kirsty Godso (see: #HURDLEMOMENT, How to Protect Your Energy), I had an energy leak.

Fact: When you consciously stop giving things your energy that don’t deserve it, other good things happen. Your world opens up a bit. Time frees up. In that process, one that I’d say is ever-evolving and lifelong, you become a happier, healthier version of you. I’d say that’s a pretty rad opportunity, yeah?

Basically, I want you to know that you’re pretty great. 

We may not know each other all that well or even at all, so I know that’s a weird thing for me to say. But, I just know this about you. We both deserve to surround ourselves with people and things that fill us up. It took me hearing myself talk to a once-stranger for almost a year to get to a place where I can say that with certainty. My goal — through getting transparent with thousands of people about my therapy journey and one its biggest takeaways — is to help someone else out in return. As Coach Bennett says in Monday’s episode, if you don’t listen and learn from people’s life lessons — then you’re an idiot.

I wouldn’t necessarily put it that bluntly, TBH. But, maybe — just maybe — this will encourage you to do a personal audit, too.

—

PROMPT: What is one thing in your life that’s draining your energy? What’s one thing that excites you that you can replace it with?